


In Sickness and in Health

by AnnInymouse



Category: RedLetterMedia RPF
Genre: Awkwardness, Holidays, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:41:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22122760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnInymouse/pseuds/AnnInymouse
Summary: When Mike is sick for the holidays, Jay comes over to comfort him.
Relationships: Mike/Jay
Comments: 5
Kudos: 42





	In Sickness and in Health

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Coq](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coq/gifts).



> I meant to post this two weeks ago (whoops), but better late than never!

Over the course of his life Mike had come to learn that the holiday season was created purely was a way to torture people. The weather was terrible, the music was cheesy, the decorations were tacky, and the expectation to buy people presents was a stress he did not need in his life. He pretty much didn’t anymore, except for his sister on the odd year when he felt like flying out to see her, and Jay. As much as Jay could be a prick, he was also secretly the love of Mike’s life, and on that principle alone Mike put in the effort to get him a good gift every year. This year it had led him to a somewhat shady thrift shop in downtown Milwaukee, where the paunchy, sickly looking cashier had sneezed right in his fucking face as he was ringing Mike up, which was absolutely the reason Mike had woken up two mornings later with the worst cold of his life.

Nothing he ate or drank got rid of the scratchy feeling in his throat or his pounding headache, so he gave up on breakfast and drove to work seething. He wanted to call out, but he and Jay had used up all their sick days months ago playing hooky to see movies on days they weren’t sure if someone from HR would stop by to check that they were actually sitting behind the counter. The only consolation was that he had gotten Jay a pretty amazing gift this year. Last year he had made the mistake of giving Jay’s stupid rich boyfriend a gift idea that Mike couldn’t afford to carry out, real Gremlin prop arms from the second movie that Mike had found while browsing some random film forum. Mike had been at Jay’s apartment for a small Christmas party when the douchebag had given the arms to Jay, and Jay had reacted even more enthusiastically than Mike had anticipated, getting onto his toes to give his boyfriend a kiss on the cheek, a big deal for Jay who looked like he wanted to rip his skin off whenever someone so much as brushed up against him. The thought that someone else had gotten laid by Jay based off Mike’s gift suggestion made Mike seethe with rage, and he’d done a terrible job of concealing his excitement when Jay told Mike a month later that they’d broken up. When the guy Jay was fooling around with a few months ago had asked Mike for birthday gift suggestions Mike had suggested a couple blu-rays Jay was on the fence about buying and refused to be of any more use than that. Reflecting on past guys Jay had slept with put Mike in an even shittier mood than the cold did, and when he walked into the repair shop he was practically snarling.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Jay asked when Mike took his usual seat next to him without saying a word, deepening the scowl on his face.

“I feel like shit, that’s what’s my fucking problem,” Mike snapped, and his voice was already sounding hoarse. He winced when he swallowed and glared at the front door.

“When’d that happen?” Jay asked, and Mike noticed him trying to discretely inch away. Mike wanted to comment on it, but didn’t have the energy for Jay to go on one of his defensive rants. Jay was weird about diseases and illness. He’d once refused to go to the emergency room after slicing open his hand on a particularly fucked up VCR until he was on the verge of passing out from blood loss, even then mumbling at Mike that he could just ‘stop the bleeding at home’ as Mike drove them to the hospital in a state of near panic.

“Some cashier sneezed in my fucking face a few days ago,” Mike said, loudly blowing his nose. He wanted to add ‘while buying your Christmas present’ but even in his shitty state he didn’t want Jay to feel guilty. It was kind of annoying, being in love with such an asshole, because even if Jay didn’t want Mike to be soft with him Mike couldn’t help it. 

“How long is a few days ago…like, before Saturday?”

“I was sneezed on on Sunday, Jay. Which comes after Saturday.”

“Thank you for clarifying the days of the week for me, Mike,” Jay snapped, and his face was burning red. Through the cloud of his headache, Mike smirked. He thought back to Saturday, when drunk on eggnog and out of the view of everyone else at the party they were at, Mike had kissed Jay under the mistletoe that had for whatever reason been hung up down a hallway no one would go down. Mike had seen it early on and joked to Jay about it, the jokes getting more and more of a serious edge as the night went on and they both got drunker. It had come to a head when, as people were saying goodbye, Jay had turned to Mike and said “Guess your stupid mistletoe plan didn’t work.”

“Aw, are you disappointed?” Mike had asked, and when Jay’s only response had been to blush, Mike had taken his hand, raced down the hallway, and jokingly pecked Jay on the lips. When he pulled back to laugh, Jay’s eyes were blown open and dark, and Mike couldn’t resist kissing him more seriously. They’d left the party right after, feeling incredibly drunk and only mildly awkward. Jay hadn’t mentioned anything about it when Mike saw him again Monday morning, but also hadn’t gone out of his way to avoid Mike. They would just ignore this little incident, like they did every time they tread into possibly romantic territory, and Mike would continue to subsist on the small crumbs Jay threw his way until one day he finally exploded. Maybe this cold would kill him and Jay would confess his feelings for Mike while sobbing over him on his deathbed. Mike groaned and pressed his hands over his eyes. This cold was making him delirious.

Jay was still staring at the front door red faced, fidgeting. The fact that he half mentioned the kiss at all, even if it was just to make sure he wouldn’t get sick, was a good sign. Mike wanted to keep teasing him about it, but his throat hurt when he talked and he didn’t have the energy to deal with Jay getting legitimately annoyed. Instead they passed the time talking about the lackluster end of year movies coming out, Mike breaking up the conversations with coughs and groans.

“You should go home if you’re not feeling well,” Jay said after they’d passed three hours in this fashion. Mike’s mood had been dropping by the minute, and that combined with his constant coughing and sneezing was probably putting Jay on edge. “It’s Christmas Eve, I was gonna suggest we close early anyway. No one’s gonna want a VCR fixed today.”

“I get it, Jay,” Mike said, putting on his coat and walking to the door. “You don’t have to tell me twice. Message received. Me and my germs will stop bothering you now.”

“That’s not—“ Jay said and then stopped, clamping his mouth shut while his eyes burned bright with annoyance. “Just go home and rest.”

“That’s what I’m trying to do,” Mike snapped back, and slammed the door shut behind him. He felt guilty as soon as he was outside. Jay was just looking out for him in his own, hands off way. He wanted to go back in and apologize, but knowing Jay that would only make matters worse, so he got in his car and went home.

~~~~~

Lying on his couch didn’t make him feel any better. He realized, after he changed into sweats and settled on the couch to watch TV, that he should have stopped by a pharmacy on the way home for cold medicine. He had no energy to go out now, and groaned at the thought of dealing with this cold drugs free for the next two days. He supposed he could text Jay and ask him to drop something off, but the thought of asking Jay for a favor after he stormed out on him hurt his pride. He knew he was being unreasonable but he couldn’t help it. Reacting to Jay and his feelings towards him always clouded his thoughts and made him act like an idiot. It always had, ever since he’d met Jay almost two decades ago, and it had only gotten worse in recent years. The thought of Jay comforting him flashed through his mind and he groaned, pressing his hands to the side of his head and pressing hard, as though he could squeeze the thought out of his brain. He pulled the thin knitted blanket he had on his couch tighter around him and tried to distract himself with the Ghost Adventures holiday marathon that was on TV.

He wasn’t sure how long he was lying out there for, only that he was trying to fall asleep and failing while his nose dripped and his head was pounding harder by the minute. He’d muted the TV, Zak Bagans voice only making his headache worse and too lazy to look for anything else to watch. He felt miserable, both from the cold and from the fact that it was Christmas Eve and he was alone. This wasn’t new, as he hadn’t flown out to see his sister in a few years while she never made the effort to visit him and he didn’t have any other family worth visiting. Every year Jay made a half assed offer for Mike to drive out with him to Kenosha to spend Christmas with his family, an invite Mike always declined. He didn’t want Jay’s pity, and Jay probably didn’t really want Mike around for his joyous family gathering anyway. He was probably worried Mike would get too drunk and fight with a random uncle or cousin until Jay had to usher him out while stammering to his family how sorry he was for Mike’s behavior. He got the sense that Jay’s family didn’t really like him, since the little he did see of them always ended with Mike feeling like they were looking at him weird. That was probably part of the reason Jay would never allow himself to go all in on a romantic relationship with Mike. It would obligate Mike to be involved with the tidy, cheerful parts of Jay’s life that Mike was too brash and messy to fit nicely into. 

He was preparing himself to wallow in self-pity all night when he heard a knock on the door. He cursed under his breath and debated ignoring it, but the knocks persisted. He got up with a grumble. His downstairs neighbor was a senile old woman who lived alone and would occasionally mistake Mike’s apartment for her own and be lost in total confusion when Mike explained to her that no, this was not her apartment, no, he was not her son, no she didn’t lose her key, again, this was not her apartment, and have to walk her downstairs after ten minutes of this. He didn’t have the energy for it, but even he wasn’t in a shitty enough mood or a big enough dick to leave a senile old woman stranded on Christmas Eve.

“Mrs. Sanders, this isn’t—“

He startled when he opened the door and saw Jay standing there, holding a wrapped box and a full grocery bag.

“You weren’t answering your phone,” Jay said, as though that was the only explanation needed for why he was on Mike’s doorstep unannounced. He looked nervous, his normally thin eyes wide and his mouth pulled tight. His hair looked messier than it had that morning, and Mike wondered if Jay had been running his hands through it like he often did whenever he got nervous.

“I don’t even know where my phone is,” Mike said after Jay continued to just stand there. He stepped aside to let Jay in, locking the door behind him. “What is all that stuff?”

“Ummm.” Jay was blushing and not making eye contact as he took off his coat and shoes. Mike didn’t give a shit about shoes inside but Jay had a thing about tracking in dirt, like he did with everything else unclean. Half the time when they would go back to Jay’s place he would change his clothes before sitting on the couch because he “didn’t want to get the outside in.” Mike didn’t know how Jay could stand keeping a slob like him around for so long.

“I picked up some cold medicine for you in case you didn’t have any. I also brought you soup. And this is your Christmas present.” Jay shoved the wrapped box towards Mike, still barely looking at him. The box was fairly light, so Mike tossed it onto the kitchen table. He didn’t have a tree or anything to put it under. The only indication that it was the holiday season in Mike’s apartment was the worse for wear wreath hanging on his front door. It was the complete opposite of Jay’s apartment, which had been decked out in lights and holly the second Thanksgiving was over. He’d forced Mike to come over and help him string lights on his Christmas tree a few weekends ago before they went out drinking, a task Mike had grumbled about but secretly melted over, even when it took him almost an hour to untangle everything.

“Thanks. Uh, I didn’t wrap yours yet, so. I’ll open it later.”

“You got me something?” Jay asked, finally looking at Mike and handing the grocery bag over.

“I get you something every year.” Mike tried not to be insulted. He put a lot of thought into the gifts he got Jay, and Jay always seemed to like them. Hell, he was currently wearing the stupid Ghoulies sweater Mike had gotten him a couple Christmases ago.

“I know you do, I just…I don’t know.” Jay looks lost and nervous again, and Mike felt guilty for the second time that day. It was insane the grip Jay had on his emotions, and how the slightest batting of his eyelashes and nervous chewing on his bottom lip made Mike want to get on his knees and beg Jay to let him do whatever it would take to let him into his life completely, even now when his throat was on fire and his brain felt like it would squeeze out of his head.

“I’m surprised you’re not already leaving for your parent’s house,” Mike said to change the subject, getting a glass of water from the kitchen to swallow whatever medicine Jay had gotten him. It was some brand he didn’t recognize but claimed to be fast acting against headaches and sore throats. There was another box of medicine full of decongestant pills, again from a brand Mike didn’t recognize. Mike wondered if Jay was so healthy he was able to unlock a whole new area of the pharmacy opened only for the healthiest of people with pills not meant for mere mortals. Mike swallowed two of each, which was hard to do with his throat feeling so shitty, and then turned his attention to the soup when Jay told him the medicine worked best with food in his stomach. It was chicken noodle, and he wolfed it down, realizing he hadn’t eaten all day after giving up on breakfast. The soup made his throat feel a little better at least.

“I’m just gonna leave tomorrow morning,” Jay finally answered after he’d watch Mike eat his soup in silence. “Do you have any lemons?”

“Wha—no?”

“Hmm, ok, do you want me to go out and get you some? They’re great for a sore throat. I can pick up some bourbon, too, if you’re out, make us some hot toddies”

“No, Jay, you don’t…” Mike pinched his fingers over his eyes and sighed. “I’m fine, really. You didn’t have to do all this.”

“Yes I did,” Jay said with such a quiet ferocity that Mike would’ve gotten turned on if he had the energy. As it was he felt weirdly touched, like Jay knew Mike was irresponsible enough to not properly treat his cold and therefore had to take it upon himself for…whatever reason.

“I just wanna lie down and rest,” Mike said as he got up from the kitchen table. “You don’t have to stay and risk getting sick.”

Jay shrugged his shoulders and sniffed. “I’ve already been exposed to the germs, so. Too late now.” He was avoiding Mike’s eyes again, shuffling in place and staring at the ground. Mike sighed and made his way to the couch. Jay followed silently behind him.

“Um, I know you’re the one who’s sick, but can we put on literally anything else?” Jay asked when he saw Ghost Adventures flash onto the screen in huge letters after coming back from a commercial break.

“Put on one of my Star Trek DVDs,” Mike bit back, and was shocked when Jay got up without hesitation and rifled through Mike’s DVD collection under his TV. He chose season 3 of Next Generation for whatever reason and hit Play on the first episode before sitting back on the couch.

“You can lay on me if that’s more comfortable,” Jay said, staring so intently at the TV screen that Mike could tell he wasn’t paying attention to it at all. Mike put the volume on, low, and lay down completely so that his head was in Jay’s lap, expecting this to be the final straw that would force Jay to be called out on his bluff. He was shocked when Jay didn’t so much as twitch and wondered distantly if their stupid kiss had forced something open in Jay that he now couldn’t close. Mike picked his head up to grab the box of tissues he’d put on the floor next to the couch and blew his nose loudly. Again Jay didn’t flinch, just lightly tapped Mike’s head as he tried to clear his sinuses, finally giving up and tossing the used tissue off to the side.

“It sucks that you’re sick for the holidays.”

“It’s not a big deal. I don’t do anything anyway, I hate seeing my family and doing all that catching up shit.”

Mike sniffled a little and lay his head back on Jay’s lap, Jay lightly scratching the top of his head. Mike wasn’t sure if it was the medicine, the soothing action, or the fact that he actually felt loved by the person he needed love from most, but he did feel a little better. They stayed like that for awhile, not saying anything, Mike’s coughs and sneezes the only things breaking the silence. After it seemed like they might just stay like that all night, Jay spoke.

“What’s the best Christmas present you ever got?”

Mike was startled, first by the silence being broken and then by the question itself. Jay rarely asked personal questions. Mike suspected some of this was his own doing, since the little he did tell Jay about his childhood and other personal details were sort of depressing, even when he tried to play it off as a joke. He thought for a moment, deciding not to tell Jay it was any of the gifts he’d gotten Mike, and went with a different gift instead.

“When I was 12, my aunt got me a video camera. Like, a really nice one, not some cheapo piece of crap like the one I already had. Which, maybe it was actually for worse because it’s not like I’ve ever made a good movie anyway. But, yeah. That was a good one.”

Jay hummed under his breath, still scratching the top of Mike’s head. 

“It was ‘cuz my parents were getting a divorce.” Mike continued. He didn’t know why he was continuing, figured Jay probably didn’t care about these smaller details, but he felt like a dam had burst by finally being asked something personal and he wanted to get out as much as he could before Jay closed off again. “They announced their divorce over Thanksgiving dinner, which is still not the worst Thanksgiving I’ve ever had. Amanda and I weren’t that upset because we were tired of hearing them argue all the time and wanted our dad out of the house. But he didn’t move out right away for whatever reason and the fighting just got worse. And they couldn’t afford to get us good Christmas gifts because of all the lawyers and shit. Not that they normally got us good gifts anyway. But I guess my aunt felt bad about the whole thing, so she got me the video camera and got Amanda some designer bag. I thought it was ugly but she loved it. She still uses it sometimes.” 

He felt like an idiot after divulging in all that, but his mouth wasn’t done running yet. “I could actually make movies when I had that camera, because it didn’t die all the time like my other one did. So for like three years I just ran around recording whatever I could. But then one day—I can’t remember exactly what I did, I think I was recording in the same room as my dad when he was in one of his moods. He just got up, grabbed the camera out of my hand, and smashed it on the ground. After that I was stuck using the shitty cameras my high school’s AV Club had. I didn’t get a nice camera again until college.”

His face was burning when he was finally done, and was glad Jay didn’t really have a good look at it. He burrowed his face deeper into Jay’s lap, feeling slightly bad that he was getting snot on his pants but mostly relieved he had an excuse to hide himself after dumping all that shit on Jay. All Jay had done was ask a simple question and he’d used it as an excuse to have a therapy session. It had felt nice, though. He hadn’t thought about the camera smashing incident in years. He was tempted to go on, tell Jay that that was the day he felt like a man for the first time, because instead of crying like he did when he was a kid whenever his dad smashed his things or threatened to hit him, or smashing something back and trying to throw a punch like he did when he was a little older, he had just quietly gotten up and left the room. It had been proof that he didn’t have to be the person his dad was. Instead he settled his head in Jay’s lap and kept his mouth shut.

Mike felt Jay reach down with the hand that wasn’t scratching his head stroke through Mike’s arm hair before landing on Mike’s wrist. He traced circles around Mike’s palm with his thumb and squeezed his hand a few times.

“I wish I’d known you back then.”

Mike’s head snapped up and turned to face Jay’s when he heard that. A part of him didn’t believe Jay had actually said that, that it wasn’t something Mike misheard or made up entirely. 

“What’d you say?”

“I said I wish I’d known you back then.” Jay removed his hand from Mike’s and started petting the stubble on Mike’s face, brushing his fingers through it like he was enjoying it. “I think about that sometimes, what it would’ve been like if I’d known you from when we were kids. The movies we’d make together, the dumb shit we’d get into.” Jay looked into Mike’s eyes as he said this and gave a sort of sad smile. “I guess I’m just so used to you being around that I can’t believe it wasn’t always like that.”

Mike felt himself go into tunnel vision. Jay had never, in the entire time Mike had known him, ever said anything remotely this sweet or emotional. His brain was trying to process several things at once, but mostly he thought that he would be sick every day for the rest of his life if it meant Jay would be this open with him. He would take a lifetime of sore throats and coughs if Jay would tell him every day that he thought of Mike a fraction of the amount that Mike thought of Jay.

“You wouldn’t have liked me back then,” Mike said, feeling the need to undercut Jay’s confession before he got completely overwhelmed and passed out or something. “I was an asshole. A bigger one,” he adds before Jay can make a snide remark.

Instead Jay just gave him the sad smile again and shrugged his shoulders a little. “You had a lot to deal with back then.”

A lump forms in Mike’s throat when he hears that, and he feels like he’s about to start bawling when Jay adds: “I’m sorry your dad did that to you.”

He turns away from Jay again, Jay’s fingers sliding away from his face. He doesn’t want Jay to see him cry or feel his tears on his fingers. It feels like a deathblow, like more love than Mike could ever imagine having or hope to deserve. This was the love of his life, who hated diseases but comforted him while he was sick, lamenting that they hadn’t known each other even longer, and being genuinely sorry for the way Mike had been hurt in the past. It was too much all at once, a sensory overload, and if Mike wasn’t careful he’d fall off the edge with no hope of climbing back up. It felt impossible already, that he was too far gone on his love for Jay to ever look back. If this was the most he’d get for the rest of his life he’d be fine with it, just knowing that somewhere deep down Jay maybe loved him too.

His attempt to hold back at least some of his tears caused a coughing fit, and he launched out of Jay’s lap so he could sit up and breathe. Jay looked startled and small sitting next to him, and even though Mike is the one currently unable to breathe or think straight he wanted nothing more than to throw his arms around Jay and calm him down, wipe that scared look off his face that Mike is slowly starting to realize he only has on when they tiptoe towards intimacy. It’s the same look Mike could make out in the dim hallway after he kissed him, the same look he had on his face a year ago at the bar when Mike grabbed his hand tight to keep him from going home early, joking but not really. It’s a face that makes Mike want to finally just throw away all this pretense and finally do something for real, no jokes to hide behind. But he can’t, because he’s sick and it’s the holidays and in a few hours Jay will have to make his way to his family and leave Mike behind until the new year, where they’ll reset again. 

Once Mike is done coughing he leans over with a groan, pressing his palms to his eyes. He feels Jay hover next to him, unsure as he places his hand lightly on Mike’s arm.

“Are you ok,” he asks, and there’s a slight shake in his voice that Mike can’t think about right now if he doesn’t want to start crying again.

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? You looked like you were…” Jay cuts himself off, and even without looking at his face Mike knows that he’s mashing his lips together while his face turns red.

“It’s just from the effort of coughing,” Mike says, turning to Jay to look him in the eye to prove his point. He knows Jay knows that he’s lying, but Jay just nods and settles onto the couch again.

“Um, I’ve missed a lot of the episode now, so I don’t know what’s going on.”

Mike snorts and settles on the couch next to Jay, still feeling too tender from whatever the hell just happened to put his head in Jay’s lap again. 

“You can put something else on. I don’t have the energy to explain it to you.”

“Wow, you really are sick.”

Mike authentically laughs at this which triggers his cough again, though not as hard. Jay is less hesitant this time, slinging his arm around Mike and mockingly saying “oh noooo, don’t diiieeeee,” which only makes Mike cough harder. After several minutes of this Mike’s cough stops, Jay still chuckling next to him with his arm around his shoulder. Mike shivers, and Jay presses a fraction closer.

“Are you cold?” He asks, and before Mike can answer Jay says “Actually, it’s perfect if you are, it goes with my gift. Wait here.”

Where would I go, Mike wants to ask, but Jay looks so eager to give him a present that Mike can’t bring himself to be snide. Jay practically runs back from the kitchen with the gift under his arms. 

“Here ya go. Merry Christmas.”

Mike takes the package from Jay, wants to lick the pleased little smile off his face. Instead he controls himself and tears the wrapping paper off, opening the box underneath it. It looks like clothes, but it’s too big, and Mike hefts it out of the box. 

“It’s a blanket!” Jay yells, taking it from Mike to unfurl it. It’s a Star Trek blanket, a giant image of Spock doing the Vulcan salute on one side and an image of of Kirk doing the Vulcan salute on the other. It looks custom made, and it’s instantly Mike’s favorite gift, no questions asked, and probably will be unless Jay one day decides to give him his heart on a platter or something.

Jay drapes the blanket around Mike’s shoulders, and when he asks “Do you like it” with a timid little smile a primitive part of Mike’s brain takes over and he pulls Jay into his arms, the blanket falling over both of them, making them seem even closer. Jay is in Mike’s lap now, their noses practically touching. There are a million thoughts and fears racing through Mike’s mind, first among them that he’ll ruin the moment by coughing or sneezing into Jay’s face, causing him to freak out and run away, maybe forever. Before his body can betray him, Jay lets out a shaky breath and bites his lip, looking into Mike’s eyes with all his walls down, his fears on full display as he asks:

“Why did you kiss me at that party?”

Mike doesn’t know how to answer in a way that can protect himself, and it looks like Jay doesn’t want to be protected from this anymore, so he throws away the last of his reservations and says “Because it’s you.”

Jay hums a little under his breath, still looking into Mike’s eyes, right into his fucking soul, and leans forward to kiss Mike on the forehead. 

“I’d kiss you for real,” Jay whispers into Mike’s ear, “but you’re still sick.”

Mike moans and presses his lips to Jay’s neck, kissing and licking him there while Jay laughs softly above him. 

“Looking for a holiday fling?” Mike asks, and that was the wrong thing to say, because Jay pulls away from him, slipping out of the blanket and sitting on the other side of the couch, back to his usual closed off self.

“This isn’t a fucking joke to me,” Jay says, his eyes glued to the floor and fists pressed tight against his knees. “We keep…you have to know that we keep dancing around this, and I thought it was fine, whatever, we’d just do that until both of us found someone else or got over it, but that never happens, and then you fucking kiss me at that party and I think finally, it’s happened, there’s no getting away from it this time, but then you never brought it up, so I came here to take care of you and you just sit there and laugh at me for finally trying to get to the fucking end of whatever this is—“

“Jay I’m in love with you and would shut you up with the most passionate fucking kiss of your entire life right now if it wouldn’t get you sick.” Mike isn’t sure where this comes from, just lets the confession spill out of his mouth like Jay is doing. It shuts Jay up at least and gets him to look at Mike, glaring a little, but more open.

“Did you just say you were in love with me?” Jay asks, the tension in his shoulders loosening a little.

“Yeah, so…stop saying this is a joke to me. Because it isn’t. At all. In fact it’s the most serious fucking thing in my life.”

Jay stare at him deadpan for a moment, then smirks. “It’s hard to take you seriously with you voice all stuffed up and sore.”

“Shut up Jay,” Mike says, and he leans over to lick at Jays’ neck, Jay squirming underneath him to get closer. His licks get heavier, wetter, and without saying a word an understanding passes between them that they’re about to go all in on this now, no mistletoe excuses, not even a drop of alcohol to pretend it was a decision made in a drunken haze, just the truth spilling out and engulfing them both like a lit match taken to gasoline.

“I know I can’t kiss you, but there’s something else I can do,” Mike says, making his voice as gruff as possible, the sore throat helping. He starts squeezing the inside of Jay’s thigh, can feel Jay getting hard and twitch in his pants, feels it brush against his hand as Jay squirms against his touch.

“Ngh Mike, no…you don’t have to…”

“Shhh, Jay, let me do this. Blowjobs are good for a sore throat.”

Jay laughs and presses into Mike’s hand greedily. “That’s not a real thing.”

“Jay, why are you trying to talk yourself out of a blowjob from the love of your life.”

Jay laughs even harder at this, then moans when Mike unbuttons his pants. His moans get choked in his throat and Mike’s breath hitches as he pulls Jay’s cock out over the waistband over his boxers. Mike licks his lips, lying down fully so his head is hovering just inches above Jay’s dick, already slick with precum. He looks up into Jay’s eyes as he takes his first lick against his sticky cockhead, unable to hold his gaze for long when Jay groans and throws his head back. His hands reach for the back of Mike’s head, gaining enough composure to stop himself from pushing Mike down fully onto his dick. Mike chuckles quietly before turning his gaze back to Jay’s dick, taking a deep breath before putting his lips around the head and lowering his throat down.

He’s woefully out of practice with blowjobs and really most other things, kissing included, having spent the majority of the past few years pining after Jay too much to enjoy the company of anyone else. Jay fits nicely into his mouth though, his lips only stretching a little bit, the urge to cough subsiding after he bobs his head a few times. It actually does feel kind of nice against his sore throat, Jay’s dick sort of scratching against the itch. He gives Jay’s cock the attention he can’t currently give his lips, giving soft licks and kisses up and down his shaft before taking him back into his throat hungrily.

It also feels amazing to hear Jay moaning above him, stuttering out only half sentences, most of them Mike’s name and not much else. Mike taps Jay’s hands, which are still pressed on the top of Mike’s head. Jay takes the signal and presses Mike’s head up and down, his moans becoming even more debauched when he’s given control of the speed. He thrusts his hips up a bit more, and it’s almost too much, Mike swallowing down a cough that threatens to ruin the moment. His swallowing provides even more suction on Jay’s dick, and Jay shouts. 

“Fuuhhhh, Mike I, you….please, please don’t...please keep…ah, aahhh.”

Mike strokes Jay’s hips as best he can from his angle to calm him down. Jay is getting loud, and while Mike wouldn’t mind if all of Milwaukee could hear Jay falling apart for Mike’s lips on his cock, he’s sure his neighbors don’t want to spend their Christmas Eve listening to Jay moan through the walls.

“Mike I’m so close,” Jay whimpers as he pumps Mike’s head faster on his dick. “Can I…do you mind….oh god, I can’t, Mike please I’m so close…”

Mike resists Jay’s pushy hands, keeping his head still so he can remove them from his head completely. Once they flop to Jay’s side he sinks onto his dick fully, Jay’s cock lodged into his throat. He sucks twice and that’s all it takes before Jay cries a wordless shout and shoots down Mike’s throat, his thighs quivering under Mike’s neck as he finished unloading. Mike stays on Jay until he’s sucked dry, continuing to lick his way up Jay’s dick until Jay is whining and pushing him off. He wipes the back of his hand against his mouth and tucks Jay’s dick back into his pants before sitting up and kissing Jay’s chest, his throat, settling against Jay’s shoulder while Jay pushes his fingers through Mike’s hair, panting.

They continue to sit there in silence, though it’s different from before. There’s no awkwardness this time, just the silent understanding that a pact had been sealed, a threshold crossed that they could never go back on, not that they could ever bear to.

“Want me to do you,” Jay murmurs against the tops of Mike’s head, kissing him a few times after he says so.

“I feel too shitty to get hard. You can return the favor when I’m better.” He laughs quietly under his breath when Jay flicks him for that comment. “Among other things. God, the things I’m going to do to you. You think it’s been torture for you to dance around this all these years? You better brace yourself, because I’ve got almost 20 years of fucked up sexual shit to unleash on you.”

Jay tugs on Mike’s hair and laughs, shifting underneath him. “Well then can I have my present?”

Mike jumps up, a sudden burst of energy shooting through him. He runs into his bedroom and grabs the gift off his nightstand and awkwardly hides it behind his back, shuffling into the room so Jay can’t see it.

“I didn’t get a chance to wrap it,” Mike says, suddenly feeling sheepish. Jay’s gift had been so perfect, and he’s worried this will look lame in comparison.

Jay rolls his eyes. “Do you want me to close my eyes before you give it to me.”

“Yes. And get used to saying that sentence.” Mike smirks as Jay’s face instantly drops to a deep shade of red. His throat bobs when he swallows, and if Mike felt even three percent less shitty he would have gotten hard just for that. As it is he places the gift into Jay’s outstretched hand.

“Merry Christmas ya filthy animal,” he says as Jay opens his eyes. Jay blinks and stares down at his hand for a few seconds before gasping and jumping off the couch.

“How the fuck did you find this?” Jay yells, trembling a little as he paws through the magazine in his hand. It’s an old issue of Fangoria, one of the only issues that got ruined when Jay moved apartments a few years ago. Jay had pouted about it for weeks, complaining that the ripped, wrinkled remains weren’t worth keeping in his meticulous collection. 

“Seriously, Mike, where the hell did you find this? I’ve looked all over for it, I’ve check eBay like a million times—“

“It was at the pawn shop on the other side of town,” Mike says with a shrug, not getting into how he’d badgered the owner for weeks to help him track it down, having to pay a hefty “finder’s fee” on top of the actual magazine itself, all leading to Mike getting sneezed on and Jay forcing him to confess his love in his fragile state.

Jay launches himself at Mike, throwing his arms around his neck and kissing his cheek.

“You’re getting awfully close to my mouth, Jay,” Mike says, pressing his smirk into the top of Jay’s head, kissing him.

“Shut up. This is so...I can’t…this is the perfect gift. How’d you even remember this is the one that got ruined?”

“Because I loooove yooouuuu,” Mike says, trying to sing it out like it’s a lighthearted joke when they both finally know it’s not.

Jay pulls Mike onto the couch, continuing to kiss his cheek as he cuddles up next to him.

“Do you want me to stay here tomorrow? I don’t want you to be alone on Christmas. You’re not allowed to weasel out of it anymore. You have to spend all holidays with me from now on.”

“What a shame,” Mike says, pressing his smile into Jay’s head so he can feel it. “But it’s ok. I don’t want to take you away from your family.”

“Then come with me. My mom can make you tea that’ll make you feel a million times better. She’s wanted to dote on you for years.”

“And why’s that, Jay?” Mike asks, and strokes his fingers over Jay’s burning face. “Does your family know about your little crush on me?”

“I said you weren’t allowed to joke about this,” Jay whines, but Mike can see he’s smiling. 

They stay glued to each other all night, Jay cuddled against Mike’s side under the blanket, Star Trek still playing quietly in the background. Jay falls asleep before Mike does, sighing lightly in his sleep. Mike wants to stay awake all night to drink in every little sound and movement Jay makes. The sappy, romantic part of his brain feels like it’s spilling out of him, because he knows the best gift he’s really gotten is Jay’s love in return. He knows Jay would gag if he ever said it to him directly, so he whispers it to the room, kissing the top of Jay’s head like this will seal the sentiment into him without him ever having to actually hear it. In the morning he’ll drive with Jay to his parent’s house, enjoying a Christmas with family for the first time in years. 

He shuts the TV off and presses one more kiss to Jay’s head, will never get enough of finally being able to lay his love on Jay whenever he wants. He turns his head to cough as quietly as he can before settling against Jay again, pulls the blanket tighter around them. He falls asleep with Jay warm against his side. Despite his cold it’s the most peaceful sleep he’s ever slipped into, warm and safe and full of love.

**Author's Note:**

> For Coq, thank you so much for giving me this idea! I'm working on a couple of longer fics that I hope to post over the next few months. Until then, I hope you all enjoy this one! Thank you all for taking part in this weird little subsection of the fandom, you're all wonderful :)


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